Everyone has that thing they splurge on. For Ashley Ayala, it’s Le Creuset, the cast iron pots and pans that come in a rainbow of colors. Ayala’s standing in the kitchen of the apartment she owns in Kyle, Texas, boxes littered on the floor around her. The cookware itself appears mostly untouched.

“I mean, one car payment, two car payments,” said the 36-year-old, who’s spent around $3,500 on the brand. “But I love it and in my head, I was like, ‘Oh, like, when I have a house I'll have the open shelving in the kitchen, and it's just like, here's my Le Creuset.’”

Homeownership is Ayala’s dream. But like many millennials, she’s finding it out of reach. Last year, the median age for first-time home buyers reached an all-time high of 38 years old according to the National Association or Realtors. That’s a three year age jump from 2023.

“Buying a house is such a large expense that it doesn’t feel tangible,” said Ayala, whose salary as an insurance appraiser is around $75,000 and whose total income last year was $130,000 with overtime. Ayala said some of that money goes to help her mom and brother, whose rent she’s been paying lately. She isn’t confident her base salary can cover a mortgage alone, since overtime isn’t guaranteed.

The affordability crisis is especially pronounced for people like Ayala, who are unmarried and not part of a dual-income family. She’s in a new-ish relationship; Ayala and her boyfriend James Hilfiker have been dating for about half a year. And they’re at a crossroads. Hilfiker, who’s 39 years old, recently bought 50 acres of land in rural Texas, four hours from Austin. Ayala is trying to decide whether she should see where the relationship goes and put her goal of homeownership on ice or try to pursue it now.

She’s started trying to figure it out. She’s gone to showings for apartments, townhomes and single-family homes. The search recently took her to a builder-grade, 1,500-square-foot home outside of Austin, listed at just under $270,000. 

“I know this is going to sound horrible, but does it feel a little bit cheap?” said Ayala in the car after the showing, focused on the house’s countertops, which appeared to be laminate. “Grown up Ashley is like, ‘Hey, I’m hosting Thanksgiving. Everyone’s coming over. There’s, like, a nice kitchen, tons of space for people to sit and eat.’”

The kind of house Ayala wants sits just up the highway in one of those ginormous new housing communities, with its own bus stop and two lazy rivers. These homes run about a thousand square feet bigger than the other house, for up to double the price. It’s a squarely different dream house from the one her boyfriend, Hilfiker, wants to build in rural Texas.

“To me, it's very peaceful, right? Currently, the nearest neighbor is two miles away,” said Hilfiker, who wants to build a homestead, livestock and all. He asked Ayala to join him, but her family is in Austin. And she likes the conveniences of suburban living, like going to the movies and to Target.

“I wanna support her as much as I can,” said Hilfiker, turning to Ayala. “Like, why would I keep you from chasing your dreams? Right? And I think there's a way to co-exist.”

“I hear you,” said Ayala. “But by its very definition, buying a house here is a huge, permanent step away from building anything with you.” 

Ayala didn’t end up buying any of the houses she saw that day. But she’s still looking — and still trying to figure out what kind of “grown up Ashley” she’ll be.

Elissa Castles contributed reporting for this series.